Under The Pretext Of A Progressive Indian Family

I never believe a word will ever become cliche with my belief in Karma. But, then the word “Progressive” does annoy me much with its super saver status on many matrimonial platforms. “The boy belongs to a progressive family!”. Now, does this mean financially progressive ? or mentality progressive? Progressing towards what? The alarming rate at which this word has been brewing over a decade now makes it for a rustic topic to write on. And so here I am giving “Progressive” a deep cut from it’s routine of just being there to lure the nuptial ties.  

The truth is that I am one of those never doubting naive souls who got overtaken by the power of the word “Progressive” (from a mentality perspective of being an open-minded family) when I tied knots. And it did cost me much turbulences to understand very early on in my journey as a married woman that the word “Progressive” actually means the “Big Unsatisfying Ego” of the family of the mentioned “Cultured and Clean Boy” who want their respective stake in every move that this wedded couple will take in their life long journey together.

During my twenties, I used to turn my judgmental knob to the loudest, mostly when I knew of a person who has hurt me or my loved ones. Though by the time I got married which was on the verge of me entering my thirties, I had slowly come to practice, the way of life where I do not get into conversations which belittle people. I was quite mature in understanding my needs in life and my craving for where I want to go.

But, “Under the pretext of a progressive Indian family” it became real tough not to wear the bitching cape and dance to the tunes of deliberate procrastination which my mother-in-law threw on me because she could not see the ideal daughter-in-law in place. The deal she wanted to strike with her son was remake her and let her suit our needs. Well the “our needs” was actually “her need” to show to the world that she will forever be the ruling queen and I, just a subdued and submissive puppet like what our age old trusted culture expects of daughter-in-laws.

My realization on to not to give her what she wants and that “ignorance is not bliss” in my case, took a long time. I accepted that the dynamics of life rolls it's dices to show us its different sides. People behave so different in changing surroundings and time boxes. Here, I had to be the change. I cannot be simply me but, someone who will stand up to confront the undeserving attitude. I did face it and behaved different from what the society expects of any daughter-in-law who is supposed to enter the family as a daughter. But, when I was never taken in as a daughter why will I need to express my gratitude?

Today, I was reading this write-up by Sadhguru “Mother-in-law demystified”. Read it here -http://isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/mother-in-law-demystified/

So true, many a mother-in-laws and even sister-in-laws seem to suffer from a crab mentality. Under the overdose of their patriarchal state of mind, neither do they want to fly away and neither they want women who walk into their households to get ahead of them. This is akin to the mentality of crabs. When you put many crabs together in a bucket, none of them will be able to crawl out, because while one crab tries to get out, the other pulls it down and in the process no crab manages to get out since they all impede each others progress.

For many Indian Families, the word “progressive” is like a defense mechanism to protect their ego like a consolation prize, a fantasy that they repeatedly play out in their heads to make themselves believe that the competitor family or their daughter isn't that successful after all. Relationships fall out very badly when sometimes these mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws thrive on others failures and derive sadistic pleasure from their pain without realizing that doing this does NOT take them ahead. You cannot become taller by cutting of someone's legs.

The truth in life is that no amount of competition or jealousy is going to stop us from realizing that as social beings we all want to co-exist happily ever after. And words like “progressive” need to be taken down.

The recent advertisement by “All out India”, questions this very hidden essence of Indian families under the pretext of being progressive. We the women are the change who can bring up the gender equality index. 

#StandByToughMoms

The Role of Educators and Parents in Building a Smart Economy

The Circle has been an answer to many a questions. What goes around, comes around. And that's the way the economy needs to get rebuilt.

The requirement is to build an ever-flowing economy together and instill that idea or seed in our schools, children and our youth.

As educators and parents, use these 3 steps to build this smart economy:

1. Create

2. Cascade

3. Circulate 

Now, start working around these 5 economic challenges keeping the above 3 steps in regard:

1. Creative thinking and designing business with the simplicity of an restorative mindset.

2. Rebuild capital circles through constant equally dispersed cash flows.

3. Healthy natural living & ownership of our ecology.

4. Socio-emotional learning comes with the super power combination of IQ and EQ in driving our relationships across our life line.

5. Regenerative and Recyclable manufacturing systems & components.  

We need to leave globalization to where it has reached and move ahead towards the next level of the economy, the circular economy - ever encompassing.

Copyrights: [The content here is copyrighted with Chirp, Chatter, Cheer, a creative platform which envisions to unlock your imagination power, build on your reflection and lead you on a path of self-discovery!!] ~ FB/Chirpchattercheer

#Designthinking #Circulareconomy #buildasmarteconomy #Emotionalintelligence
#Rebuildingcapital #redesigninglife #Restorationmodels #Regenerativetechniques #Recycle 

Web of Life

“The earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected, like the blood, which unites one family. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.” ~ Chief Seattle, Duwamish tribe

#earth #earthquotes #duwamish #duwamishtribe #weboflife #lifequote #humanrace

Life of an Ambitious Woman

I will make sure I say that "I am Ambitious!" I told one of my hostel friend. I was working in Chennai then, loving each day for the extra zing it added to the independence I loved. I had decided for an traditional Indian arranged marriage after constant impeccable episodes from my parents and relatives. It was just a very normal day in January 2009, we met under the supervision of a dozen relatives under one roof but, did overtake them to end up in the terrace for to catch a few spoken words and fresh glances. We did share our numbers and I think I knew he will call me. And yes he did just the next day and asked me for a date. before I knew we were at his pace for dinner too and the third day we had my dad come to his place to talk more, fourth day was a bit of "silence before the storm" and the fifth day was all filled with a big "Yes"! It did feel too soon and indeed it was. But, I had already discussed with him my three points and yes, I had told him "I am Ambitious!". A few days later it was all sealed formally with a private ceremony and the dates were out for the engagement two months later. My dad was more concerned about the marriage so even those dates got fixed earlier and before I knew or was even engaged the wedding cards were out. It was either my dad's desperation or just a dice of destiny. The rings were exchanged in March 2009 with loads of happiness and beautiful hopes. It began the very next day, the issues, but the symptoms were out earlier. Well the women of his house, the mother-in-law and sister-in-law were all against our dream which had just begun and they made no all attempts to stop us weaving it. It was like this B-grade typical TV serial episode . I didn't want any negatives vibes with new relationships so for me it was very clear. It's yes or no and it was just an arranged marriage after all. But, I suppose my husband had already decided his call and so it did came as surprise when he told his family, that either we do this together or we proceed. Well, it did happen, June 2009.

I had to quit my job, to move in with my husband who was on a project in Andhra Pradesh. We knew Mumbai was on the cards in just a few months. So were calm about the future. It began the very next day of marriage, coming out to begin my new day, I asked her if there is any work in the kitchen ? The answer came calm and straight. That's what we got you for. I ignored it. But, did blast my husband later. I shouldn't have. I should have done it to her. My mother-in-law who wanted to stay with her son moved with us to Andhra. The nights were spend in union with the mother who would come knocking at our doors at even 12 midnight. Mornings were spoilt with again door bangs on making her so wake up and go to office. Well I am missing out on a lot more which came in-between, but, maybe that is because I choose to ignore it to the extent of not remembering much. But, I suppose every episode got thrown out of the window under the pretext of something or the other. In all that mess, I also got pregnant and my mom got me home early for delivery to help me get away with the viscous pangs of my mother-in-law. Time was good again.

The delivery time came near and my mother-in-law stepped back into my life. I couldn't get my labour pains and had to go for induced labour. There was a bit of a tension and suddenly my very normal delivery took a turn to become a C-section. It was a sudden decision with the fetus going into distress and the heartbeats started falling faster than time. My husband and my mother had gone down for coffee break and the nurse could reach through their mobile. My mother-in-law was called and told about the situation. And her reaction stirred a revolution in the OT ward. She was again calm and straight. She wanted the baby to not come on Tuesday but, the next day or any other. The doctor who was the HOD of gynecology bashed her with all her might saying the mother and baby are in danger and you thinking about a day. Any Day is good because everyday is a good day. This I came to know only later when the doctor told me. Inside the room I could hear a lot of commotion but, I was going through an unknown path myself that was filled with so much of fear that I have not known or understood before. All I wanted is a hand of courage and a heart of compassion. And what I got was what was going to define my thoughts for my mother-in-law for an eternity and more. She came into the room and I extended my hands. All she did was say "All the best" from a distance and leave me there all alone to go through what I going through. Neither have I met a woman like her before and not till now. She still stays and will stay as someone who never understood the true meaning of life and relationships in it. After having a healthy baby I was strolled back into ICU and all she could again say was "You have a cute one there". That's all she is, I thought to myself and told about it to my husband later.

The years to follow were never good and very bad at times, filled with verbal and mental abuses from her. Her venom was crushing our marriage still things were all the same. My constant appeal to my husband to do something about it was reacted with some strong joint conversations with his mother. Nothing helped. I realized that this woman was doing everything deliberately. She has decided she will hate me and won't make me stay happy. Her only need was her desire to be with her son. She doesn't have much to do with me or my son.

I started working on projects and then full time jobs and work from homes. She was never happy. Always cribbing about how I keep working on my laptop. She didn't touch the food I made for the first three years. Never will speak a word of praise or even feedback. It was my husband all along who tried getting both the roles into play. I was treated more like an untouchable and I was made to feel it. They say words can be forgotten but, not how one was made to feel. It stands so true in my case.

Things did change and I was the one who got them to change especially when the hell of her touched my parents too. I knew I wanted this marriage, and she is the one who is crumbling it, thrashing it and playing with it. I asked her to get out of our house. Go out for all you have done, I told her. Her ego is bigger than her womanhood so she did move out after giving me a shunted warning that she will tell the world that I threw her out. My answer was crystal, I said "Say it".

It's been a year now and we have maybe just had one or two fights which has nothing to do with her. We have loved and respected each other all along.

But, she can't see our happiness even from far and started some new gimmicks this year.

I suppose we are going to handle it as it comes....

So here was the other side of the life of an ambitious woman.

This is just the shortest version of what I wanted to express.

True in each aspect and a lot more not mentioned to spare you readers of the unnecessary ways of a vicious mind to control your life.

Ignorance can be bliss is very temporary.

We have to respect ourselves first and foremost.

If anything costs your peace it is not worth it…

And the last but not the least. Be clear and say "I am Ambitious!"

My husband married me for who I am and wanted to become.

And I have his support on it forever.

"Sensual Mindfulness" And "Sexual Vigilance" Are Both Imperative 21st Century Lifestyle Skills.

Every time, the news channels breakout to incidences of child sexual harassment, molestation or rape, our human conscience goes through this harrowing inescapable black hole. Our mind wanders relentlessly trying to escape the empathy we feel for the victim or the family.  We never want to hear or see reports of such incidents again, but, then we are again knocked down to such sensational horrific reporting.

As parents and educators, we face complex turbulences of unceasing insecurity right from the time our children get dropped at school or picked up by the school bus in the morning, until, their cheerful voices echo back home. The daylight seems more prone to night-mares that the darkness of the sunset. In fact the eloquent nights give us a breeze of comfort, when our young ones are safely asleep within the confines of our home.

We do ask ourselves constantly and at times discuss within our inner circle, if this is the world we are bringing up our children in? If the present is such, what is the prediction of the future?

Going for a quick-fix solution, our parental instincts make us vulnerable to opt for a helicopter or narcissistic parenting style leading to a child who is bundled with overdependence, unwariness, anxiousness, low on self-esteem, insecurity-complex and depression. These are the kind of children who fail in their adulthood, ruining not just their happiness but, also of others. Because they were always being hovered upon, these children do not know how to react to situations - harsh or even simple.

As for educators, we are split between the fringes of school administration, management expectations and parental pressure on security & safety measures.

With the recent incidences of danger lurking not just around the school gates, but, inside the school premises, the need for upgrades on technology & human resources has become the most pressing concern.

Over the couple of years we have seen an upsurge in the number of videos coming up on good touch and bad touch. Our children are exposed to this very basic chapter on sex education as early as play group & nursery. Some of these naïve little ones do later discuss it out within their peers and also have a few questions for us. And that's exactly where our skepticism erupts on what to say and what information to withhold? How do we parents or educators take the lead from here? Haven't we always been the most mindful and alert when it comes to the safety of the kids? I am sure, we all are and have always been, but, the right terminology and essence here is that have been "Sensually" mindful and "Sexually" vigilant? The counter question is how do we practice and apply "Sensual mindfulness" and "Sexual Vigilance" as parents, educators and also practice it along with our young ones?

There are several tools & coaching methodologies to learn the skills of "Sensual mindfulness" and "Sexual Vigilance". But, even before learning or knowing them, we need to burst a few myths and join a few facts here as our first guide towards understanding how to start sex education for our kids:

1. Myth - Sex education is a one-time lesson plan!

Fact -  No, it is a continuous process during the child's growing years!   

     2. Myth - Sex education can make children unhappy and lead to unwanted complex kinky

                    behaviour.

     

         Fact - We as parents & educators, need to have an open-minded approach in dealing with

       these hard pressing issues, leaving behind any pre-assumptions about "Sex

                  education" defying any moral or cultural grounds.

   3. Myth - Sex education is a lecture/a serious talk/ an argument.

   

       Fact - Sex education works best when practiced as part of our routine lifestyle, just making

                   it a bit mundane, plug-in some new-age media, emotional literacy tools &

                   knowledge resources like books, articles etc.

   4. Myth - Sex education will create fear in young minds.

        Fact - In Fact, it's just the opposite. It will clear many real life doubts and make the children

                  more confident and courageous. Do remember that safety is better than fear.

                  Fear is dissolvable.

   5. Myth - Sex education is setting boundaries with opposite gender.

       Fact - The need to make sex education part of our system is to respect diversity and adopt

                  inclusion of all genders equally.

   6. Myth - Sex education teaches the mechanics of sexual intercourse.

       Fact - It is much more than that. Sex education cover a range of adolescent and growth

                 pattern topics on the human body and mind.

   7. Myth - Sex education is embarrassing and unwanted.

       Fact - No, it need not be at all that. Until, you as a parent or educator are not comfortable

                 with it yourself. There is nothing wrong or harmful in sharing the real life ways of  

                 life with our young ones.

   8. Myth - Sex education can best be learnt by reading books/watching videos.

      

     Fact - The best way to have sex education plugged-into your life is through regular everyday  

               conversations with your children. The other tools like books, videos, movies are an

               added resource. A personal touch can have the best impact!

9. Myth - Sex education is something they have to discuss with their friends/ cousins. Not with

              us parents.

  Fact - This may lead to either disbelieve, scary thoughts or a feeling of disgust. Remember

             that friends and cousins are still almost their age group and may have just half-

             baked knowledge on the subject.  

10. Myth - Sex education is self- learnt. Eventually as children grown-up, they will know.

     

     Fact - The 21st century has seen the highest circulation of knowledge. But, also insecure

     environments, both online or offline. Because of so much exposure, children start   

    experimenting with their own bodies & start relationships very soon. We need to walk the talk

    with them now.

Our collective responsibility as a 21st century citizen is to break our own myths and join the facts, leading to a happy & safe family. Let us start NOW.

Halloween in Soup

On the warm eve of Jack-O-Lantern………...

The day was just winding up with a dip in the air. The breeze hissing into my ears, the bite of the night giving me jitters. I am just a eight year old with bones and joints growing in an all-compassing direction.

I looked for my jungle green hooded jacket in my wardrobe. I found it on the last row, tucked away in the orderly way mom did at the end of last winter.

I looked out of the window to see Chris and Paul toss the coin to continue their never ending bet stories. Just then I heard the kitchen door creak. Mom, is that you? I pitched it out with a lot of desperation. The voice from the other side was more gruffly. "It's dad. Mom is coming too in a few minutes".  Okay, I mellowed, I am coming down.

Sliding down the staircase, I landed just in time to bang into my dad. Hey Jose, dad squeaked, how have you been all day? Did you go out to play a bit? No dad, I was catching up on my science notes and self-pacing on my basketball skills.

Hmmm, that's good. But, it is a fine day to catch up with the neighbourhood boys. It's been awhile since I saw you interacting with them. Dad, I will meet them tonight anyway for the "Trick or Treat" muster. O yeah! So tell me what costume have you planned for yourself, dad punched? Grandma gave me an old one from the attic. She said it belonged to Uncle John when he was my age. That's sounds pretty set for you. Good luck my boy...

Just then mom barged in with loads of books and two bunches of keys and placed all of it with a clonk on the dining table.

Hello boys, what have you been upto? Dad, gave a warm hug with prolonged kiss on her forehead. Happy Weekend! They both screamed to the top of the ceiling. My lips curved up in empathy. Dad pulled me too, to unite in our traditional family group hug-tug.

It was mom, who first broke away and tossed the question, who is going to the garden to get the Pumpkin on the table? Dad was a bit spaced out suddenly. I am sure he had planned a self-igniting TV evening. This year too?, dad groaned.

Why not snapped mom? Well dad pitched, I thought Jose is over eight now and will find it interesting to hang around for trick or treat rather than carving a Cucurbita pepo (plant name which yields Pumpkin). Mom, was tapping her foot and I had figured out long back that it was a sign for dad to stop and just listen out to a plan mom had already figured out all perfect in her mind.

Dad sat down on the chair, and tapped the table and started musing his calm-change song (I call it that because he usually changes his thoughts after that). lol

Let me make some ham sandwiches and warm coffee, mom trudged. What do you want to sip, Jose?, she asked me. I will have some still lemonade without ice mom.

I did see you are wearing your jacket Jose. Hope you are not catching a sneeze?, mom enquired. No mom, I am okay, I blunted.

The evening snack packed a punch to all of us or was it mom's food? We discussed our day and came up to where we were. Mom, finally laid out the plan ahead for the evening. So boys, I think we are not just going to carve a pumpkin this Halloween, but also Jose is going to start to build on his culinary skills. Mom winked at me and notched up her nose. Dad did look surprised but, he well appreciated the idea.

So it was all set, dad and I will go to the garden to pick up a big great pumpkin. Come back and we three will get going into not just carving a "Jack-O-Lantern" but, also then I will be making an Halloween special "Cream of Pumpkin soup" under the guidance of my parents.

Just as we two were going to step out into the garden, mom called out, "And yes, I forgot to say this, Jose you will have to invite a friend of yours to join us for the soup you will spell up tonight". It pierced my ears and boggled my mind. Who will I invite? My mind was working like a bingo striking any name coming on my path.

Just then I got knocked down by the blessed pumpkin we planned to slay. Where are you lost, Jose boy? dad chuckled. I heard him saying, “Come, let's pull this mean big one out to our table”. We were inside the kitchen in a few minutes, thrusting out all the squash from inside, putting it into the mixer less the seeds which we had planned to dry up for roasting it later for a snack pack.

So, who are we expecting today, Oh, yeah, No. Don't tell us Jose. Let it be your secret and a surprise for us, gleamed mom. Dad, gave me a smile, saying you better go invite now and I will help get the pulp ready in the meantime and mom can get her artistic hands onto carving the pumpkin fellow.

Sure, dad, I said, trolling away to the porch. Once there I sat down again playing the mind bingo game. The boys in the neighbourhood came with their own gangs or groups. And I didn't want to bring friends of friends. Just someone, who we can share a quiet evening with. Just then, I heard the humming of songs from the front row houses. The boys in the neighbourhood called the row houses “Poor Man’s Zone”.  The songs were surely being sung by Mrs. Daniel and her daughter Elizabeth. I had played with Elizabeth last summer when they had just moved into the neighbourhood. My mom unlike the other women in the high node Lincoln Street, had taken me with a welcome basket of goodies to make feel good the Daniels at their new abode. I had not gone again to play with her all this while. But, I liked her for the generous helping of the Carrot Chocolate cake she shared with me and also for being, hmm, who she was! Finally, the winner emerged from my bingo mind. It was Elizabeth!

Three taps at the door, and Mrs. Daniel opened up with her lovely smile. Jose, she shrilled, nice to see you boy, it's been sometime you hopped in. Elizabeth, look who is here she called out. Hello, Mrs. Daniel, Happy Halloween! I am here to invite Elizabeth for dinner with us. I will be making pumpkin soup for the evening with mom and dad helping me. Good gracious, exclaimed Mrs. Daniel. You are such a compassionate boy, just like your mother! Elizabeth, where are you sweetheart? I am coming mom, echoed her voice as she made sounds with her boots coming down the staircase.

Hi Jose ,she brightened up shaking my hand. How have you been all this while? I am good I responded briskly continuing, to ask, so will you like to join me and my family for a Halloween dinner? Her face broke into a comical laugh. I withdrew a bit, thinking maybe she will not be comfortable. "Ofcourse" came the answer. Just that you have never invited me home before. But, their is always a start, she said with a comical face which made me grin.

Mrs. Daniel smiled and said, so that's great kiddos. Good to grow your friendship skills too. Jose, I will drop her in another thirty minutes. Sure, I mumbled and waved my way back.

Back at my home kitchen, I played along with dad cooking some onions in a pan with two spoons of olive oil. We added the pumpkin pulp to it, then dashing it with some grounded peppercorns, clove, cinnamon and salt to taste. The small fresh cream carton from the fridge made its way onto the saucepan too. Mom added her magical sprinkle of parsley to make the soup healthier. The soup was all set to warm up our souls to the spooky night.

Just then the doorbell rang and my parents amused their way to open the door. The next I knew, we were chatting away at the couch about Elizabeth's school, her hobbies and more. My mom dances too, Elizabeth said excitedly. We go to dance classes together after school. That is so cool, said my mom. And I am so glad you were such a sport to make it here with such a last moment invite. We are working parents and it gets difficult to plan ahead because of our erratic schedules. It's okay Mrs. Victor. I do understand what you mean.

So kiddos, my dad got up saying, let's start our dinner. Mrs. Victor, he proclaimed, “may the grilled chicken be blessed”. I don't know about you kids but, I am going to stuff up tonight.

Starting with a tiny prayer, we binged on.

The soup was indeed good or was it the feeling of achievement?

Elizabeth had two helpings of it and it gave me more courage.

Mommies grilled chicken was out of the world as always.

Just as we were winding up, I heard Chris and Paul distinctively.

They were calling out for me.

Time for "Trick or Treat", I said.

Elizabeth didn't reply but, crooned,

“You already gave me a treat

with some tasty meat..

Your soup in a bowl, I emptied it all...

And so it calls for howl!!!” AAwwooooooooo

We all gave a hearty warm laugh together and lit the Jack-O-Lantern before leaving for just tricks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Parenting Lessons from the Short Story "Halloween in Soup"

1. Parents show, Kids Learn

Mrs & Mr Victor make a happy & loving family and show that through the tradition of group hug-tug. Love is quite a big aspect which comes in small portions of actions and is understood and multiplied then. Rather than going for a "teach and follow" parenting style it's good to emotionally coach them through "showing and learning". 

2. Responsible Child

Jose is a responsible child. He has completed his homework and did play on his own. 

3. Social Interaction Skills

Mr. Victor does believe being outdoor in company with friends is a crucial aspect of growing up. He does express his wish to Jose. 

4. Self-care through Mindfulness

Jose took care of himself by pulling out his jacket and wearing it. He knew he had to take prevention less he catches a cold. It also shows that he was completely aware of what he felt physically and mentally. That calls for great Mindfulness. Sometimes overlooked kids do become blank when it comes to expression of feelings (physically and mentally). Mrs. Victor did address Jose's decision to wear a jacket and asked if all was ok.

5. Ignite a thought, and the path is created

Parenting is all about mutual learning and not ruling. Authoritarian or Helicopter parenting styles can only lead to low self-esteem and over depended children. We are here to just create a few sparks in the child's path and they will create their world then. Mrs. Victor took the lead here of doing more than what's expected on a Halloween. She knew Jose was low in social interactions and wanted him to think on his own and arrive at a conclusion as to who will he invite for dinner. 

6. Make & keep up your own family traditions

Make more of the festivals around us. In whatever time and in whatever ways that builds the conscious state of your family through good deeds like sharing, caring and more. 

The "Joy of Giving" and "Thanksgiving" can come anytime of the year.

7. Children are noticing

Mr Victor was being appreciative of his wife even if he had other plans. Joes has been noticing all along for a considerable time now how both his parents argue. But, he also knows their alternative adjustments to each other. This is just one scenario. There may be others too. 

8. Stop diving chores as per gender 

Culinary skills belong to all genders. Our boys need to also learn to love the kitchen. Also there may be girls who do not like cooking. It's fair in a world were there are also men who don't like dusting. 

9. Being generous

Mrs Victor and Elizabeth have already shown Joes how to be generous one, by being non-judgmental and pervasive in nature and two, by sharing is caring. 

10. Compassion and Empathy

The most important take away from the story is that "Compassion is a very strong personality trait and is a by-product of empathy which is feeling what other's are feeling. Compassion is the action one takes to complete your feeling of empathy.

Copyrights: [The content here is copyrighted with Chirp, Chatter, Cheer, a creative platform which envisions to unlock your imagination power, build on your reflection and lead you on a path of self-discovery!!] ~ FB/Chirpchattercheer

About the Author: Kapithra Kannapiran is an Edupreneur, Creative Educator, Design Thinker and an Emotional Intelligence Coach.  Based in Mumbai, India, she aspires to bring in paradigm shifts in thought-process and teaching & learning experiences among children and grown-ups. Through her work she focuses on aligning innovative practices with the right market & people collaborations. Her future interest lies in carving intricate paths of customized ideologies and enhance reflective educational experiences of children and all inclusive community.

RUN OFF THE MORALITY ~ Inspired from lifestyles of working couples

Talking about the withering behaviours of our times, sincerity rakes up the world around us. It seems to have climbed up the charter of being one of the uncool traits to hold on too. It’s been stamped with a lacklustre traditional outlook which is too sluggish for today’s world to follow up with. Consider looking around, and listen to the conversations blaking out from small friendly hubs right from even out of the age group of 10-year olds. I will not be surprised to see that cringe on your face. The “Trolley problem” rules our world like never before. Part of a thought experiment in ethics, the trolley problem studies our moral and sincere responses to major decisions in times of uncertainties like accidents, saving life, killing someone for reasons of bigger quantity and quality. However, I think the trolley problem has escaped its density to find momentum even in minor decisions of our everyday life. Here is why I say so…………

A very typical example comes from our daily routine cycle ………It’s peak hour! Stuck in the monsoon traffic, the honking blows away what’s left of your sanity after work. The phone cranks up, and you find out that your boss still has his daily planner run into the next day. And all he could do to befriend his anxiousness is call you. As you talk to him hands free, there is a missed call from your wife’s office number. Of course by now you must have ascertained that you have to take the next right turn to pick her up. Hang on, you’re in for more ambiguities today. There is another incoming number flashing on your screen, now this one’s exciting, it’s “unknown”, and you tell your boss I have to take my other call, catch you tomorrow. You pick this unfamiliar call and you find a recognizable undertone on the other side. Your friend quips on his new number and says he needs you immediately for a presentation he has to give tomorrow. You are almost nearing the right turn, and suddenly there is a smash of glasses. It’s a bike against a mini caravan. Since it’s a wide road, the traffic gets cleared soon and you pass the accident site until to find a man and a woman in a bad state. There are a hundred co-drivers behind you and on the side-lines. Now, let’s ask ourselves some trolley questions, how many of us will make this quick decision of doing the needful? Or are we confused what’s supposed to be done in the first place?

Here is another one, from a very common setting of a 5-year old marriage. The regular ways of shuffling between work and home zones takes much of your time. All you want is to live life to the fullest in between these tiring strokes of fate. You both have maintained your individual relationships with your friends of yesteryears. Beaming up openly with your partner about your feelings for anyone is a thing of cliché these days. More the comfort level, if one of you or both have been in relationships before and had come-in into this marriage with much maturity around the rise and fall of relationships.  We all think the same way, out-looking life to have this unique way of reinstating our faith in re-living what was undone and with this belief you do start finding your unexplored feeling for an old friend and find its intriguing response from the other side too. Is it wrong at this point is a very straight-forward question but, above that is your comfort level in accepting that feeling in yourself and then taking a decision of shifting the message right through the beamer and then sharing that with your partner too. Are you ready for this yourself? Or are you finally going to shift the blame and say that you are a creation of circumstances??

Going forward to the next story, this one hit me the hardest. I had an early morning train to catch to Surat that Monday morning from Bandra terminus...I had just had one of the ugliest worded fight with my husband over of course his deliberate ignorance on his mother's insensitive attitude towards me. I already was a pinch away from losing my cool with any tiniest inclination of unintended obscurity. Entering the station I straight headed towards the rest room. Already, there was a queue at 5:30 in the morning. A Muslim woman in her burqa with her little daughter joined me to wait for her turn on the side queue. As she entered she gave me this little understanding glance for keeping an eye on her little one. However, my turn came up instantly and I went in. Now what began from there is what forms the troll here in all senses and angles. When I came out, and this was a quickie, these three men who were sitting outside had opportunely found this never explained shame of calling this little girl near them and where having fun giving her goose bumps. This little naïve angel was almost shivering. One of the heaviest among them had the audacity to even pull her by hand to make her sit on his lap. All this while I kept staring at them with no offence treatment from their side towards me. I was aware of the time and place we stood at and took the instant decision of making it clear but stated feebly, “can’t you see, she is not comfortable, just leave her!” and then I took her aside. I still don’t know why I didn’t scream at them? Why didn’t I scream on their faces? Was it a self-protection mechanism or the overall wellbeing of all three of us? These men asked me, “Are you going to pay for them? Why are you so concerned? You just leave and go and we will take care of her”. I again in my most composed voice replied, her mother has asked me to care for her. Let her come and I will leave. The very moment her mother opened the door. I returned the same glance of understanding back and moved with a background score of all those three men laughing out loud.

Think about it! Trolley up…to your own emotional intelligence!!

Reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trolley_problem