From my balcony

26.03.2020

18.30 pm - 19.20 pm 

Stay there for some more time,

Before time gobbles you for today! 

Are you screening the waters to find a resolve?

Or is it a secret you want to hide? 

Or is it me making all this up? 

Talking to you is natural! 

Or is it not? 

Do you plan to leave your reflection?

For me to ponder as it gets dark.

The sky is refusing to give you up today!

Or is it that you have come to become stubborn!

To find a way to work overtime to melt away what's frozen?

You know right? The winds are on my side.

Now don't you act naïve! 

The breeze touches me to whisper, we all need our chance! 

I see you slumbering down the edge of the backwaters. 

Rest well untill you wake up to shine your ray of hope. 

We need you forever for we don't know how to otherwise. 

The sky snorts now with an arc it adorns. 

Sparkles of wishes fill the blanket above.

I yearn to possess, what earth teaches to cherish. 

~ Kapithra Kannapiran

Heartbreak can teach you things. Things you can learn from a failed relationship!

Relationships are easy and then they are not. Any relationship is built with a lot of patience, understanding and variation of expectations. Though people commit because there is a strong conviction of positivity they feel in being together. What they forget is that what they are at that point in time, is just part of the long path they are travelling to become what they are meant to be. There is no finality. There is no end to who you will be. It's like "you are not entirely you" even when you take leave from the form you are in now. Life and beyond is a process of metamorphosis.

And then, when it comes to falling in love, it calls for transcending any bar set on behaviour, attitude or regulations. The most crucial reason a relationship is pushed to the point of a heart break is "failure of being you"! 

Yes, indeed, the truth is no matter what, you yourself will be responsible for changes in your relationship quotient because you are continuously changing! 

For reasons of set notions, we term that as selfishness in relationships. And then to battle it out, we ignore ourselves. We try improvising for our partner. We win their approval of us but miserably fail ourselves. And your partner too will regard the same thumb rule of being as human as possible.  

Quoting ~ Ankur Warikoo, Cofounder& CEO, ...nearby.com

"Once you trust someone, this is what you don’t do We humans have this rather unfortunate habit of checking the strength of our relationships, every how and then Let’s see if he calls me today

Let’s see if he picks up my phone if I call him right now

Let’s see if they figure out this loophole without me pointing to it

Let’s see if I can trust this person Here is the deal about trust

The minute you test it, you have broken it Trust shouldn’t be tested

It is either earned or established through conduct To test trust, is to not have it!!"

Nevertheless, beyond reasons of trust we have heartbreaks due to incompatibility, changed life course and more.

But, then heartbreaks work as "Lighthouses" and gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, re-learn, give another chance and more...

You stay in a lighthouse and look at all directions and decide:  where to sail, 

whom to navigate through the harbour, 

when to keep silent during war, 

when to guide the ship and align through a narrow channel and 

when to weather a stormy night. 

The following three "Lighthouse check-points" will help you get into, be in and get out of a relationship: 

1. Self-mentor

Be your own mentor. Sit down and ask yourself. How did you find yourself in the relationship you are sharing with a certain person? Let it be your boyfriend, husband, fiancé or live-in-partner.

Remember the question is pointing to you and not how others are behaving in that relationship. At times, we are our own problem creator. We think we need certain reliability or demand a feeling we share with others. The truth is that it is highly possible we don't need to give our time, energy and space. Let us be crystal clear with ourselves.  

2. BCF Equation 

BCF stands for Biology, Chemistry, and Financial. Make sure both of you are comfortable sharing yourself with each other. The physical relationship is too crucial to miss out on. It's a sensitive topic but, crucial to the continuity of all-inclusive habitat you are building around you. Build a gradual easiness of talking about your expectations around it. 

Chemistry is not just your instant law of attraction but, also your maturity in respecting your lifestyle, work commitments, morality and concepts in life.

Financial standing and growth, and contribution to mutual growth prospects and career, business is a significant discussion to have at the start and then periodically. 

3. Core heartbreak index

This is the stage where you know that it's no point going forward. However, still, there is this last little step in the form of an activity you can do before you announce it to your partner.

Create an index table and place all your expectations and complains you had from the particular relationship in one vertical column. 

Do the same for your partner in another column leaving a gap of two columns in-between.  Match it out ..Think out and check on every situation where it was over-estimation, underestimation or unfair reasons. Give one point for each other. 

Gather what you learned from this activity. And arrive at what you were over-thinking, getting obsessive about or denying your partner the benefit of the doubt. 

Relationships need nurturing. They have an entity of their own which needs constant attention, pampering and constructive dialogue. 

Be aware towards it's requirement and energy movement.

Worse, if you want to end the relationship and move on, still the Light house check point will help you get over a failed phase and beat your heartbreak gloom.

Best to you all. 

Everlasting Courage: A rare C-section post pregnancy medical complication

Most of this blog post is from a very dear friend of mine settled in Clayton, California, US. I have added a few words as an introduction and post story-line. It is all about how everlasting courage exists beyond the realm of advances in medical sciences and health technology. 

A decade back, I met this sweet, shy and chirpy girl at my working women's hostel in Chennai. Sharing a common room, we built a cozy and soothing relationship which has continued. Much younger than me, she bubbled me up with childish wits. Her biggest fear was darkness, the night scared her beyond limits but, somewhere I knew that some day in the future she will defeat the pitch black and live up to her name Esther which means Star.

Continue reading in her own words, her story of fight, withdrawal, fear, struggle, loss, hope and courage beyond pain. 

All of us have our spiritual beliefs we follow. Esther follows her God and faith in this journey. And so let us respect her choice and personal judgement here. 

The real need here is to:

- know the medical condition she faced, 

- be aware and have knowledge about our physical and mental capacities,

- build perseverance to re-frame our denial attitudes on it can't happen to us, 

- stop running away from hard talk and rough experiences of our own kind.

Esther wants to tell her story to everyone out there. She still is recuperating and coming to terms with her own revived self. 

She says -

"I thank my father god Jesus for using me as his vessel. This is a testimony that gives hope in every hopeless situations. Back in April-May this year our family went through some undesirable situation, one of the worst in our lives.

We were happily expecting our 2nd child . The planned due date was May 5th 2018 but on April 18th 2018 midnight I got the contractions. After monitoring me throughout the night, the doctors at John Muir Hospital decided to do the C-section the next morning April 19th 2018 around 10. 

After delivery, I was put on normal recovery path, but on the 3rd day my eyes started turning yellow , visibly exhausted and by late evening... the doctors worried about my condition and moved me to the ICU. I was loosing my memory. In the ICU they poked me at multiple places several times to perform hundreds of tests.

The next day the doctors approached my husband and said that I need to be shifted to UCSF ( University of California San Francisco) as they were not equipped enough to treat me there. My kidneys had failed and my liver was not functioning normally. I was shifted to UCSF around midnight on the 4 th day, while the baby was still in the other hospital. The baby was healthy but since he came early he was kept under close observation.

The UCSF doctors confirmed that my liver and kidneys had failed . They did not know why and they ran series of tests to see if there was any infection like hepatitis A,B or E and all came negative. I was put on life support and dialysis. The doctors called it as acute liver failure and it’s a very rare condition in pregnancy.

I was listed for immediate liver transplant status 1A means any time there is a new liver harvested from any diseased person in the western region I would get it . After hearing this my friend and family started praying rigorously asking god for a miracle. 

My husband was explained about the whole procedure, the chances of inheriting any unknown diseases like cancer from the transplanted liver and a completely uncertain life. My body was not in a position to go through another major surgery just after having gone through c-sec few days ago. I had only 20% survival chance.

I was given blood products since my own blood turned toxic and would not coagulate. They performed a procedure called Embolization to stop the internal bleeding twice . On one occasion I did not wake up after the procedure. Doctors performed CPR to revive me . My liver condition hadn’t improved.As days went my my condition thought worse was stable.

One fine day there was faint sign of improvement . God heard our prayers and slowly miraculously things started turning around. They took me out of the life support and dialysis and after few days I regained my memory. 

They moved me from the ICU to the normal ward and then I was discharged home. My eyes were still yellow and my body had swollen 4 times my own weight. Fluids coming out of my torn and overstretched skin were yellow too. I was undergoing blood work every week.

The doctors thought I will improve but my condition took another turn. My liver enzymes were abnormally high. Liver enzymes are usually high when the liver has damaged completely.No signs of improvement in the blood work. The doctors said they haven’t ruled out liver transplant and they suggested for liver biopsy. Up until then we thought there was may be some hope but after hearing this broke us down. We were crying all the way back home from USCF. That night I was thinking, 'is god listening to my cries and is he seeing my pain? I have no place in my body to be poked anymore. I was praying and asking god for a miracle. 

Myself and my family were praying with these verses from psalm 139: 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;    all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be.and psalm 121: 7The Lord will keep you from all harm—    he will watch over your life;

After few weeks they did the liver biopsy through the neck and we were waiting for the results. Doctors had given up. They said, there was no text book for reference for this case!!!

I have heard many testimonies in my Christian life how god performed miracles . God heard our prayers and started healing me.

My biopsy results came and there was nothing alarming. I kept improving In my last doctor visit on August 2nd 2018 the doctors ruled out liver transplant. My liver enzymes are close to normal and my bilirubin is normal. Yes our god is faithful, he is mighty, he listens to our cries and knows our pains.

Now I’m here, the answer to all of your prayers. Thank you everyone who prayed for me and my family.

I want to emphasize one important thing that, while pregnancy, women will have their whole body checked only at the start of the pregnancy but, later the gynaecologist will check only the fetus. We have to insist them to check our health also until the end of the pregnancy."

Dear Readers, we as friends and family of Esther continue our prayers and hope or in other words the channelization of positive energies towards her complete recovery. Thank you for taking time to read up. I believe as women, we need to understand our mind, body and soul and keep it in alignment to sail through uncharted territories. So, pass on the story. Awareness is imperative. May courage be with us all.