I suppose children start talking at their own pace. Some I have seen start as early as even 10 months with just the sound of a word or two. And some may be as late as 3.5 years. I have a nephew who started that late. My son was whistling and cheering away with sounds surprisingly at 2.5 months plus and then there was some silence. Finally he started talking a few words at 1.2 year. It was pretty interesting to know and hear how he started relating the features of anything to the words . So even if we said water, he said, "gagaa" - the gurgling sound from the water tap. The spoon became "Clee", the cluttering sound of steel spoons and ladles. We said horse, he would say,"tokada tokada"the trot the horse covered. It was amazing how this 1.2 year old was building his vocabulary through exposure to his senses - see, hear, smell, taste and touch. And I was happy everything was just going well on the milestones front.
It all began at the start of his 3 years span, that's when I suddenly experienced this urge in him to start getting adamant and showing tantrums for even small things. A incessant talker, he surprised us with his argumentative skills. Though it was great to see how even with his still naive, small and short vocabulary he was trying to hold claim over his wishes and needs. It was getting difficult for me to make him stop and hear out what I or his daddy would like to say. I gave it some time and thought it will fade away. However, it grew into the "talking back" phase where the thin line between discipline, respect and natural independence started condensing.
I grew anxious each day and was a bit clueless on how to bring the change in a 3 year old child. The following questions were something which popped-up on my mind -
Q1. Were Me or my husband so hyper-active and talkative when we were young?
Q2. How do I stop my son from talking back at me?How do I make him understand the dwindling line he is crossing when he plans to disrespect me with his back talks? and why he should learn to develop listening skills (giving more attention to the hearing sense)
Q3. Which parenting style, we as parents are following to make him a calm child and follow the natural growth process to span out as much as possible?
I started working backwards and forwards to get answers to the above questions and started building a tactics plan.
Also the answer to question 1 came a "Big Yes" from my parents and his. And so I knew it's pretty normal to be hyperactive then. :) I built the "acceptance" in me that my son will be more on the free thinking side of conversing. And that's how our immediate environment - Family & Friends are resounding to be for him to observe and throw back his talking in a muddled style.
The tactics plan here was that of "Fine tuning our talks at home and the body language".
We as adults and parents had to show him how we can quietly stand or sit, look into each others eyes, hold our hands, smile, sometimes give a hug or caress and talk in short sentences. I knew he will observe the peace, love and patience we showcase. And so he did! Feat no 1!
The tactics plan where we use respectful language and vocabulary
I have always been of the opinion that respect comes from good deeds and actions we take, rather than the demand of age. It has been my personal belief that one needs to respect these little human beings who are so miraculously different from each other. Each is a born star with a different trailblazer . So our daily routine became full of new words like "Thank you" for work done, "You are great!" for a tiny task, "Please" for an urgent work, "I am so sorry" for some mistake I deliberately created, "Excuse me" for showing that even we adults need space. And so on and so forth. It worked wonders. Feat no 2!
The tactics plan of following a combination of three parenting styles
1. democratic or authoritative style with some clear rules
[eg: The rule of having circle time at night, sometimes we used to have grandma join us]
2. permissive style with some indulgence
[eg: Have junk food once in a while]
3. emotionally intelligent style with self-understand, mindfulness and empathy.
[eg: understand and talk about how everyone we know are so different in their looks and talks]
The deal for this tactics was that all 3 of us will follow the rules, be a little impulsive and drive our emotional responses. It worked wonders. Feat no 3!
Me and my husband worked along with tiny signals, cues and hints to roll out the tactics. And had to control our chuckles all along. :)
As we have been trotting along all these years, it has come to be so true that "Our home is a sanctuary of learning". The very first place where our children observe and sponge up, even before the school or world begin to teach their lessons.
