How I Stopped My Child From Talking Back To Us!

I suppose children start talking at their own pace. Some I have seen start as early as even 10 months with just the sound of a word or two. And some may be as late as 3.5 years. I have a nephew who started that late. My son was whistling and cheering away with sounds surprisingly at 2.5 months plus and then there was some silence. Finally he started talking a few words at 1.2 year. It was pretty interesting to know and hear how he started relating the features of anything to the words . So even if we said water, he said, "gagaa" - the gurgling sound from the water tap. The spoon became "Clee", the cluttering sound of steel spoons and ladles. We said horse, he would say,"tokada tokada"the trot the horse covered. It was amazing how this 1.2 year old was building his vocabulary through exposure to his senses - see, hear, smell, taste and touch. And I was happy everything was just going well on the milestones front.

It all began at the start of his 3 years span, that's when I suddenly experienced this urge in him to start getting adamant and showing tantrums for even small things. A incessant talker, he surprised us with his argumentative skills. Though it was great to see how even with his still naive, small and short vocabulary he was trying to hold claim over his wishes and needs. It was getting difficult for me to make him stop and hear out what I or his daddy would like to say. I gave it some time and thought it will fade away. However, it grew into the "talking back" phase where the thin line between discipline, respect and natural independence started condensing.

I grew anxious each day and was a bit clueless on how to bring the change in a 3 year old child. The following questions were something which popped-up on my mind -

Q1. Were Me or my husband so hyper-active and talkative when we were young?

Q2. How do I stop my son from talking back at me?How do I make him understand the dwindling line he is crossing when he plans to disrespect me with his back talks? and why he should learn to develop listening skills (giving more attention to the hearing sense)

Q3. Which parenting style, we as parents are following to make him a calm child and follow the natural growth process to span out as much as possible?

I started working backwards and forwards to get answers to the above questions and started building a tactics plan.

Also the answer to question 1 came a "Big Yes" from my parents and his. And so I knew it's pretty normal to be hyperactive then. :) I built the "acceptance" in me that my son will be more on the free thinking side of conversing. And that's how our immediate environment - Family & Friends are resounding to be for him to observe and throw back his talking in a muddled style.

The tactics plan here was that of "Fine tuning our talks at home and the body language".

We as adults and parents had to show him how we can quietly stand or sit, look into each others eyes, hold our hands, smile, sometimes give a hug or caress and talk in short sentences. I knew he will observe the peace, love and patience we showcase. And so he did! Feat no 1!

The tactics plan where we use respectful language and vocabulary

I have always been of the opinion that respect comes from good deeds and actions we take, rather than the demand of age. It has been my personal belief that one needs to respect these little human beings who are so miraculously different from each other. Each is a born star with a different trailblazer . So our daily routine became full of new words like "Thank you" for work done, "You are great!" for a tiny task, "Please" for an urgent work, "I am so sorry" for some mistake I deliberately created, "Excuse me" for showing that even we adults need space. And so on and so forth. It worked wonders. Feat no 2!

The tactics plan of following a combination of three parenting styles

1. democratic or authoritative style with some clear rules

[eg: The rule of having circle time at night, sometimes we used to have grandma join us]

2. permissive style with some indulgence

[eg: Have junk food once in a while]

3. emotionally intelligent style with self-understand, mindfulness and empathy.

[eg: understand and talk about how everyone we know are so different in their looks and talks]

The deal for this tactics was that all 3 of us will follow the rules, be a little impulsive and drive our emotional responses. It worked wonders. Feat no 3!

Me and my husband worked along with tiny signals, cues and hints to roll out the tactics. And had to control our chuckles all along. :)

As we have been trotting along all these years, it has come to be so true that "Our home is a sanctuary of learning". The very first place where our children observe and sponge up, even before the school or world begin to teach their lessons.

'Me' Time With My Mind, Body And Soul

Writing a post on "My 'Me' time" would have been a completely different flair, if I wrote it just as a wife or a mother or both. But, I really wanted to make this attempt to write to our young maidens, spunky teenage girls and badaas single working professionals too. So this goes for all of us beautiful girls and woman. Kindly share this post with young girls in your family, friends, social circle who need the 'Me' time strategy before they start sharing their life. Because the sooner they start to infuse ‘Me’ time into their life the better it gets.

Firstly, what does 'Me' time actually mean?

Is it a solo holiday we take?

Is it the weekend we planned to be away from our family?

Is it the shopping therapy?

Is it the sudden scrambling friends night out?

Or anything else which takes off our mind from the present to be in this bubble which will eventually burst when the clock rings the alarm?

The whole idea around 'Me time' is so not in place.

We are confusing our bucket list with our 'Me' time.

These are two different things and need separate treatments.

How is what I try to throw some light on as we move on..

Our 'Me' time covers all aspect of Mind. Body. Soul.

So considering the same, we need to touch each aspect of these in ourselves.

1. MIND and 'Me' time

Me time is meeting yourself in totality. Not just looking at the reflection in the mirror but, entering it to explore yourself in your world inside. A healthy inside is an happy outside. Balancing and tuning your energy levels at all times is very important.

You can do these through two tools of self-engagement:

- Personal Journal - Making notes of your everyday life helps you keeping your life on track. It helps discovering things about yourself you didn't know.

- Meeting new people - Making acquaintances and new friends is a great way to know yourself better. Also it helps in broadening your thought process, your grasp on varied subjects, diversity skill ultimately making you a great conversationalist.

2. BODY and 'Me' time

Me time is a daily dose of respect you give yourself for the wonderful things you do at work and home. It's part of your daily routine. It could be at a stretch or in parts too which is preferable.

You can infuse the following into your lifestyle:

- an early morning walk with your favourite music or 10 min meditation

- a mid-noon refreshing natural drink or a fruit you like

- an evening dance class to grow your talent and passion parallel to your career goals

3. SOUL and 'Me' time

Me time is all about being kind to oneself. Do not overwork or overdo things, do not loose hope and certainly do not try to impress anyone. If someone will love you for who you are. They will reciprocate with all their might. Treat yourself with an "handle with care" label because you deserve it.

Now all this can transform into action only when you feel connected to not just your family but, your community and the cosmos. What are you in this huge big round planet earth of ours? The soul is connected directly to what nature offers us, and so we need to be it's friend as well.

- Plant a tree, Adopt a tree or a little patch of land and start gardening. Your relationship with something which erupts from the soil you touch will open your eyes to what a brilliant gift you are to work with nature and bring about life. Remember, we are made of the same content earth is made up of. 70% water 30% soil, fire, metal, wood. We are one. And because we separate ourselves from what nature holds and push ourselves into artificial environments, we loose touch with our soul.

- Believe or not, kindness is the biggest factor in making human life exist. As humans we all need a little potion of magical kindness to be in each other's life. Small little services like if you find an elderly not able to carry their bags. Help them out. Or if you find street children in the traffic signals, connect with an NGO and find a solution. Be part of the intervention. We humans belong to each other so deeply and each of us leave a soulful imprint on each other.

Be happy with all your mind, body and soul for a better life through a planned 'Me' time!

Character Building In Children Through Self-Esteem

It's pretty simple for grown-ups to tell each other during trying times - "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth".

But, how do we explain this to our children?

How do we build the required mindset in them to know their self-worth and of others?

In this age of extremely high level competition, how do our children cope with the risk of failure?

How does the "Character building" task of parenting roll out?

The answer is quite a long one, because character building is a gradual journey taken up with loads of life skills, experiential learning, emotional forces, mindset patterns and knowledge infused into our daily routines.

Out of the 10 stages of character building task I follow, I will pick the very first aspect of this ever-changing adventurous sail called "Self-Esteem"

What is Self - Esteem?

"Self-Esteem is an inward and outward mirror of a child's personal belief system."

The foundation of self-esteem can be laid best in these 3 given scenarios:

1. Non-Judgmental: A loving and understanding environment, where the child's mistake is not taken to judgement. The absolute downside of parenting in many cases is that many think, children need to be marked on wrong doings and questioned on behaviour. But, for a child, each stage is a learning feat, until the age of 18 when they are completely equipped with the invincible adult mind.  

         PLAN: Stop giving Time-outs, Punishments, or verbal thrashings.

     2. Acceptance: Embracing children for who and what they are, becomes of great value later in life. There are several dimensions to this stage - Personality traits, social interaction, Physical appearance and more. Recognizing children for their unique abilities and accomplishment of challenges goes a long way in building the strongly willed and beautiful person you want your child to be.

         PLAN: Stop Comparing, degrading and unnecessary flattery

     3.Coping with Failure - Acknowledging children for their efforts and helping them coping with setbacks and tiny failures will go a long way in making them confident and cooperative fellow beings. Giving and receiving respect in such mini failures can benefit a great deal to end self-doubts and concentrate on goal-setting.

         PLAN: Start with these tiny plans for both you and your child and keep adding to it every month. Working like partners sharing the credibility of success, stress at work, frustration of failure and celebration of success. 

Quoting Buddha here, who said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”.

Freedom Of Time (Momspresso version)

If our schedules as working professionals are jam packed with to-do work lists and fancy bucket list during holidays. The children are not much behind with their time-tables completely blocked out of freedom of choice. Moreover, the holiday homework casts a spell of sulking splashed across their faces.

In this scenario, 'the streamlining of expectations' for and from children is sought as the best way forward. It just makes things seem so organized and easier. 

However, the point is by doing so, we are interfering in the following ways: 1. Curbing and obstructing their natural growth patterns both physically and cognitively.

2. Build automatic reflexes and reactive systems with defined tendencies instead of natural intrinsic and proactive brain and body functioning.

3. Knowingly or unwary, adopting a combination of authoritarian and helicopter parenting which will do no good in the dynamics of social relationships, independent mindset, self-esteem and more. 

Given the above circumstances, there is an immediate need for children to experience freedom of time to explore and balance their own inner & outer energies to trace their unique path.

Other wise we are just on our way to make robots, clones or surrogates out of human children !!! Children who will act on instructions and have similar thought process. 

The 2 most crucial aspects of natural self-exploration till the age of 10-12 years are:

1. Free play (indoors and outdoors) without any toys, or readymade accessories. This is also a great way to learn adequate life skills and build strong relationships. 

2. Hands-on experience leading to observation, modelling behaviour and repetition. Here their is a lot of cognitive application at work giving a lot of exercise to the brain synapses. 

The issue is that we today don't have the patience for natural instincts and milestones to take their time. We are rushed on every minute twist and turn. 

The need is to trust and let the child take time to do what they can do. 

Children need to experience freedom of self-exploration - Mind. Body. Soul.

If our schedules as working professionals are jam packed with to-do work lists and fancy bucket list during holidays. The children are not much behind with their time-tables completely blocked out of freedom of choice. Moreover the, holiday homework casts a spell of sulking splashed across their faces.

In this scenario, 'the streamlining of expectations' for and from children is sought as the best way forward. It just makes things seem so organized and easier. However, the point is by doing so, we are interfering in the following ways:

1. Curbing and obstructing their natural growth patterns both physically and cognitively.

2. Build automatic reflexes and reactive systems with defined tendencies instead of natural intrinsic and proactive brain and body functioning.

3. Knowingly or unwary, adopting a combination of authoritarian and helicopter parenting which will do no good in the dynamics of social relationships, independent mindset, self-esteem and more. 

Given the above circumstances, there is an immediate need for children to experience freedom of time to explore and balance their own inner & outer energies to trace their unique path.

Other wise we are just on our way to make robots, clones or surrogates out of human children !!!

Chirp Chatter Cheer is striving to develop a human-centered pedagogy to equip children and youth with emotional intelligence techniques and collaborative shared space experiences to translate their inner stories into action with a deep conscious and sub-conscious freedom of self-exploration.

The art work here is part of this initiative delivered through an "Elemental Lifestyle Workshop" this summer.

For organizing such workshops, retreats and labs for children, families, teachers, school management, youth, colleges or corporates, kindly inbox @ chirpchattercheer@gmail.com or buzz me on 7738011066. Follow and Like on FB - https://www.facebook.com/Chirpchattercheer/