Everlasting Courage: A rare C-section post pregnancy medical complication

Most of this blog post is from a very dear friend of mine settled in Clayton, California, US. I have added a few words as an introduction and post story-line. It is all about how everlasting courage exists beyond the realm of advances in medical sciences and health technology. 

A decade back, I met this sweet, shy and chirpy girl at my working women's hostel in Chennai. Sharing a common room, we built a cozy and soothing relationship which has continued. Much younger than me, she bubbled me up with childish wits. Her biggest fear was darkness, the night scared her beyond limits but, somewhere I knew that some day in the future she will defeat the pitch black and live up to her name Esther which means Star.

Continue reading in her own words, her story of fight, withdrawal, fear, struggle, loss, hope and courage beyond pain. 

All of us have our spiritual beliefs we follow. Esther follows her God and faith in this journey. And so let us respect her choice and personal judgement here. 

The real need here is to:

- know the medical condition she faced, 

- be aware and have knowledge about our physical and mental capacities,

- build perseverance to re-frame our denial attitudes on it can't happen to us, 

- stop running away from hard talk and rough experiences of our own kind.

Esther wants to tell her story to everyone out there. She still is recuperating and coming to terms with her own revived self. 

She says -

"I thank my father god Jesus for using me as his vessel. This is a testimony that gives hope in every hopeless situations. Back in April-May this year our family went through some undesirable situation, one of the worst in our lives.

We were happily expecting our 2nd child . The planned due date was May 5th 2018 but on April 18th 2018 midnight I got the contractions. After monitoring me throughout the night, the doctors at John Muir Hospital decided to do the C-section the next morning April 19th 2018 around 10. 

After delivery, I was put on normal recovery path, but on the 3rd day my eyes started turning yellow , visibly exhausted and by late evening... the doctors worried about my condition and moved me to the ICU. I was loosing my memory. In the ICU they poked me at multiple places several times to perform hundreds of tests.

The next day the doctors approached my husband and said that I need to be shifted to UCSF ( University of California San Francisco) as they were not equipped enough to treat me there. My kidneys had failed and my liver was not functioning normally. I was shifted to UCSF around midnight on the 4 th day, while the baby was still in the other hospital. The baby was healthy but since he came early he was kept under close observation.

The UCSF doctors confirmed that my liver and kidneys had failed . They did not know why and they ran series of tests to see if there was any infection like hepatitis A,B or E and all came negative. I was put on life support and dialysis. The doctors called it as acute liver failure and it’s a very rare condition in pregnancy.

I was listed for immediate liver transplant status 1A means any time there is a new liver harvested from any diseased person in the western region I would get it . After hearing this my friend and family started praying rigorously asking god for a miracle. 

My husband was explained about the whole procedure, the chances of inheriting any unknown diseases like cancer from the transplanted liver and a completely uncertain life. My body was not in a position to go through another major surgery just after having gone through c-sec few days ago. I had only 20% survival chance.

I was given blood products since my own blood turned toxic and would not coagulate. They performed a procedure called Embolization to stop the internal bleeding twice . On one occasion I did not wake up after the procedure. Doctors performed CPR to revive me . My liver condition hadn’t improved.As days went my my condition thought worse was stable.

One fine day there was faint sign of improvement . God heard our prayers and slowly miraculously things started turning around. They took me out of the life support and dialysis and after few days I regained my memory. 

They moved me from the ICU to the normal ward and then I was discharged home. My eyes were still yellow and my body had swollen 4 times my own weight. Fluids coming out of my torn and overstretched skin were yellow too. I was undergoing blood work every week.

The doctors thought I will improve but my condition took another turn. My liver enzymes were abnormally high. Liver enzymes are usually high when the liver has damaged completely.No signs of improvement in the blood work. The doctors said they haven’t ruled out liver transplant and they suggested for liver biopsy. Up until then we thought there was may be some hope but after hearing this broke us down. We were crying all the way back home from USCF. That night I was thinking, 'is god listening to my cries and is he seeing my pain? I have no place in my body to be poked anymore. I was praying and asking god for a miracle. 

Myself and my family were praying with these verses from psalm 139: 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;    all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be.and psalm 121: 7The Lord will keep you from all harm—    he will watch over your life;

After few weeks they did the liver biopsy through the neck and we were waiting for the results. Doctors had given up. They said, there was no text book for reference for this case!!!

I have heard many testimonies in my Christian life how god performed miracles . God heard our prayers and started healing me.

My biopsy results came and there was nothing alarming. I kept improving In my last doctor visit on August 2nd 2018 the doctors ruled out liver transplant. My liver enzymes are close to normal and my bilirubin is normal. Yes our god is faithful, he is mighty, he listens to our cries and knows our pains.

Now I’m here, the answer to all of your prayers. Thank you everyone who prayed for me and my family.

I want to emphasize one important thing that, while pregnancy, women will have their whole body checked only at the start of the pregnancy but, later the gynaecologist will check only the fetus. We have to insist them to check our health also until the end of the pregnancy."

Dear Readers, we as friends and family of Esther continue our prayers and hope or in other words the channelization of positive energies towards her complete recovery. Thank you for taking time to read up. I believe as women, we need to understand our mind, body and soul and keep it in alignment to sail through uncharted territories. So, pass on the story. Awareness is imperative. May courage be with us all. 

How I Stopped My Child From Talking Back To Us!

I suppose children start talking at their own pace. Some I have seen start as early as even 10 months with just the sound of a word or two. And some may be as late as 3.5 years. I have a nephew who started that late. My son was whistling and cheering away with sounds surprisingly at 2.5 months plus and then there was some silence. Finally he started talking a few words at 1.2 year. It was pretty interesting to know and hear how he started relating the features of anything to the words . So even if we said water, he said, "gagaa" - the gurgling sound from the water tap. The spoon became "Clee", the cluttering sound of steel spoons and ladles. We said horse, he would say,"tokada tokada"the trot the horse covered. It was amazing how this 1.2 year old was building his vocabulary through exposure to his senses - see, hear, smell, taste and touch. And I was happy everything was just going well on the milestones front.

It all began at the start of his 3 years span, that's when I suddenly experienced this urge in him to start getting adamant and showing tantrums for even small things. A incessant talker, he surprised us with his argumentative skills. Though it was great to see how even with his still naive, small and short vocabulary he was trying to hold claim over his wishes and needs. It was getting difficult for me to make him stop and hear out what I or his daddy would like to say. I gave it some time and thought it will fade away. However, it grew into the "talking back" phase where the thin line between discipline, respect and natural independence started condensing.

I grew anxious each day and was a bit clueless on how to bring the change in a 3 year old child. The following questions were something which popped-up on my mind -

Q1. Were Me or my husband so hyper-active and talkative when we were young?

Q2. How do I stop my son from talking back at me?How do I make him understand the dwindling line he is crossing when he plans to disrespect me with his back talks? and why he should learn to develop listening skills (giving more attention to the hearing sense)

Q3. Which parenting style, we as parents are following to make him a calm child and follow the natural growth process to span out as much as possible?

I started working backwards and forwards to get answers to the above questions and started building a tactics plan.

Also the answer to question 1 came a "Big Yes" from my parents and his. And so I knew it's pretty normal to be hyperactive then. :) I built the "acceptance" in me that my son will be more on the free thinking side of conversing. And that's how our immediate environment - Family & Friends are resounding to be for him to observe and throw back his talking in a muddled style.

The tactics plan here was that of "Fine tuning our talks at home and the body language".

We as adults and parents had to show him how we can quietly stand or sit, look into each others eyes, hold our hands, smile, sometimes give a hug or caress and talk in short sentences. I knew he will observe the peace, love and patience we showcase. And so he did! Feat no 1!

The tactics plan where we use respectful language and vocabulary

I have always been of the opinion that respect comes from good deeds and actions we take, rather than the demand of age. It has been my personal belief that one needs to respect these little human beings who are so miraculously different from each other. Each is a born star with a different trailblazer . So our daily routine became full of new words like "Thank you" for work done, "You are great!" for a tiny task, "Please" for an urgent work, "I am so sorry" for some mistake I deliberately created, "Excuse me" for showing that even we adults need space. And so on and so forth. It worked wonders. Feat no 2!

The tactics plan of following a combination of three parenting styles

1. democratic or authoritative style with some clear rules

[eg: The rule of having circle time at night, sometimes we used to have grandma join us]

2. permissive style with some indulgence

[eg: Have junk food once in a while]

3. emotionally intelligent style with self-understand, mindfulness and empathy.

[eg: understand and talk about how everyone we know are so different in their looks and talks]

The deal for this tactics was that all 3 of us will follow the rules, be a little impulsive and drive our emotional responses. It worked wonders. Feat no 3!

Me and my husband worked along with tiny signals, cues and hints to roll out the tactics. And had to control our chuckles all along. :)

As we have been trotting along all these years, it has come to be so true that "Our home is a sanctuary of learning". The very first place where our children observe and sponge up, even before the school or world begin to teach their lessons.

Character Building In Children Through Self-Esteem

It's pretty simple for grown-ups to tell each other during trying times - "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth".

But, how do we explain this to our children?

How do we build the required mindset in them to know their self-worth and of others?

In this age of extremely high level competition, how do our children cope with the risk of failure?

How does the "Character building" task of parenting roll out?

The answer is quite a long one, because character building is a gradual journey taken up with loads of life skills, experiential learning, emotional forces, mindset patterns and knowledge infused into our daily routines.

Out of the 10 stages of character building task I follow, I will pick the very first aspect of this ever-changing adventurous sail called "Self-Esteem"

What is Self - Esteem?

"Self-Esteem is an inward and outward mirror of a child's personal belief system."

The foundation of self-esteem can be laid best in these 3 given scenarios:

1. Non-Judgmental: A loving and understanding environment, where the child's mistake is not taken to judgement. The absolute downside of parenting in many cases is that many think, children need to be marked on wrong doings and questioned on behaviour. But, for a child, each stage is a learning feat, until the age of 18 when they are completely equipped with the invincible adult mind.  

         PLAN: Stop giving Time-outs, Punishments, or verbal thrashings.

     2. Acceptance: Embracing children for who and what they are, becomes of great value later in life. There are several dimensions to this stage - Personality traits, social interaction, Physical appearance and more. Recognizing children for their unique abilities and accomplishment of challenges goes a long way in building the strongly willed and beautiful person you want your child to be.

         PLAN: Stop Comparing, degrading and unnecessary flattery

     3.Coping with Failure - Acknowledging children for their efforts and helping them coping with setbacks and tiny failures will go a long way in making them confident and cooperative fellow beings. Giving and receiving respect in such mini failures can benefit a great deal to end self-doubts and concentrate on goal-setting.

         PLAN: Start with these tiny plans for both you and your child and keep adding to it every month. Working like partners sharing the credibility of success, stress at work, frustration of failure and celebration of success. 

Quoting Buddha here, who said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”.

Freedom Of Time (Momspresso version)

If our schedules as working professionals are jam packed with to-do work lists and fancy bucket list during holidays. The children are not much behind with their time-tables completely blocked out of freedom of choice. Moreover, the holiday homework casts a spell of sulking splashed across their faces.

In this scenario, 'the streamlining of expectations' for and from children is sought as the best way forward. It just makes things seem so organized and easier. 

However, the point is by doing so, we are interfering in the following ways: 1. Curbing and obstructing their natural growth patterns both physically and cognitively.

2. Build automatic reflexes and reactive systems with defined tendencies instead of natural intrinsic and proactive brain and body functioning.

3. Knowingly or unwary, adopting a combination of authoritarian and helicopter parenting which will do no good in the dynamics of social relationships, independent mindset, self-esteem and more. 

Given the above circumstances, there is an immediate need for children to experience freedom of time to explore and balance their own inner & outer energies to trace their unique path.

Other wise we are just on our way to make robots, clones or surrogates out of human children !!! Children who will act on instructions and have similar thought process. 

The 2 most crucial aspects of natural self-exploration till the age of 10-12 years are:

1. Free play (indoors and outdoors) without any toys, or readymade accessories. This is also a great way to learn adequate life skills and build strong relationships. 

2. Hands-on experience leading to observation, modelling behaviour and repetition. Here their is a lot of cognitive application at work giving a lot of exercise to the brain synapses. 

The issue is that we today don't have the patience for natural instincts and milestones to take their time. We are rushed on every minute twist and turn. 

The need is to trust and let the child take time to do what they can do. 

Children need to experience freedom of self-exploration - Mind. Body. Soul.

If our schedules as working professionals are jam packed with to-do work lists and fancy bucket list during holidays. The children are not much behind with their time-tables completely blocked out of freedom of choice. Moreover the, holiday homework casts a spell of sulking splashed across their faces.

In this scenario, 'the streamlining of expectations' for and from children is sought as the best way forward. It just makes things seem so organized and easier. However, the point is by doing so, we are interfering in the following ways:

1. Curbing and obstructing their natural growth patterns both physically and cognitively.

2. Build automatic reflexes and reactive systems with defined tendencies instead of natural intrinsic and proactive brain and body functioning.

3. Knowingly or unwary, adopting a combination of authoritarian and helicopter parenting which will do no good in the dynamics of social relationships, independent mindset, self-esteem and more. 

Given the above circumstances, there is an immediate need for children to experience freedom of time to explore and balance their own inner & outer energies to trace their unique path.

Other wise we are just on our way to make robots, clones or surrogates out of human children !!!

Chirp Chatter Cheer is striving to develop a human-centered pedagogy to equip children and youth with emotional intelligence techniques and collaborative shared space experiences to translate their inner stories into action with a deep conscious and sub-conscious freedom of self-exploration.

The art work here is part of this initiative delivered through an "Elemental Lifestyle Workshop" this summer.

For organizing such workshops, retreats and labs for children, families, teachers, school management, youth, colleges or corporates, kindly inbox @ chirpchattercheer@gmail.com or buzz me on 7738011066. Follow and Like on FB - https://www.facebook.com/Chirpchattercheer/