The perfect parent-child bonding tool is just ten minutes away

Our schedules are jam-packed with meetings, official travel, weekend plans, holidays, movies and what not. This leaves us almost no time to spend with our little ones. Still in the midst of all the clutter, our munchkins demand our attention with all their might. Lingering on, many of us also fall into the trap of feeling guilty due to our unavailability. The truth is that all of us are trying to fit into the demands of the ultimate work - life balance and are not alone in this fight. We all are striving   to find the slightest streak of time to spend some warm time with our families. 

Bonding was never an issue ever. But, with shortage of time, there are surging issues in creating the adequate environment for the natural growth of children. Suddenly we have more artificial environments and superficial relationships in the form of day cares and nannies. We are all stuck in the same well and trying to pull-push the rope to come up. 

In the given circumstances, what can be the best way to bond with our children in the shortest time possible?

The answer is that, the perfect parent-child bonding tool is just ten minutes away! 

A Parenting Lifestyle can have it's best experience by making "Story Telling" an eternal part of the daily routines and struggles.

Stories are the most creatively simple form of art to enlighten children with the core life skills required for survival and growth too.

Children who are brought up on stories are holistically balanced in every way.

Some great benefits of story telling are-

1. Build the never-ending quest for learning and thinking process

Children right from the start are intellectually sound & knowledgeable. With stories, their thirst for learning continues forever since it has already been built throughout the growing-up years. Devoting a ten minute regime daily builds a certain discipline in the child to keep working on exploring the several boundaries of their thinking process. This in turn has an everlasting impact on the child's imagination, confidence level and self-esteem too. 

2. Score high on emotional intelligence

Since stories are all about give and take between two sources, children know they have to wait their turn. Also, the several characters and themes of the stories gives them a much clear picture of how the world works in reality and in fantasy too.Kids becomes self-aware of their conscious needs and over-whelming wants. Just like there is a structure of a story - Background, theme, action, plot, style, climax, ending; Children too start structuring their understanding of themselves (intra-personal skills) and clearly flag their feelings to express them through emotions. This leads to a through cleaning of the psychological mental state of the body and the mind. There by, children understand the significance of life and also live out the delicate balance of yin and yang.  

3. Cultural and Inter personal (relationship) skills 

   Stories are a great source to keep children grounded to their cultural roots. For parents, usually the best way to start telling stories is by sharing their childhood

   incidents and family tree history. Many cultures, languages, linguistics and communities have survived the test of time by carrying forward traditions, festivals and

   observance of occasions through the art of story telling. Tangible crafts and intangible heritage need to survive the generations through the knowledge of their

   existence. Stories are the best way to keep them in remembrance with the future generations.      

4. The Power of Perseverance

The keep trying till you succeed attitude has taken a huge fall with today's world of use and throw. Stories build the attitude of keeping at it till one achieves the desired results. Not keep shifting focus, but, keep giving the best shift even if time eludes. Also, children tend to become more mindful of their physical boundaries.

Because the patience they showed in listening to the stories gives them the power of labelling their work areas and their several energy levels at different times.   

5. Inclusiveness and Diversity

Stories portray several kinds of characters and keep the child open minded to accept and not judge people. They become socially sensitive & empathetic and

confident to be out there in any corner of the world and survive the odds. Since we live in a global world, it's essential we make children understand through stories what it means by 'Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam', - the world is one family!

Your story telling time is the most intimate bonding time you have with your children where every tiny move is questioned and answered.

Just by cooking-up a ten minute story for your child's bedtime, you can take care of your parenting role for a lifetime.

Under The Pretext Of A Progressive Indian Family

I never believe a word will ever become cliche with my belief in Karma. But, then the word “Progressive” does annoy me much with its super saver status on many matrimonial platforms. “The boy belongs to a progressive family!”. Now, does this mean financially progressive ? or mentality progressive? Progressing towards what? The alarming rate at which this word has been brewing over a decade now makes it for a rustic topic to write on. And so here I am giving “Progressive” a deep cut from it’s routine of just being there to lure the nuptial ties.  

The truth is that I am one of those never doubting naive souls who got overtaken by the power of the word “Progressive” (from a mentality perspective of being an open-minded family) when I tied knots. And it did cost me much turbulences to understand very early on in my journey as a married woman that the word “Progressive” actually means the “Big Unsatisfying Ego” of the family of the mentioned “Cultured and Clean Boy” who want their respective stake in every move that this wedded couple will take in their life long journey together.

During my twenties, I used to turn my judgmental knob to the loudest, mostly when I knew of a person who has hurt me or my loved ones. Though by the time I got married which was on the verge of me entering my thirties, I had slowly come to practice, the way of life where I do not get into conversations which belittle people. I was quite mature in understanding my needs in life and my craving for where I want to go.

But, “Under the pretext of a progressive Indian family” it became real tough not to wear the bitching cape and dance to the tunes of deliberate procrastination which my mother-in-law threw on me because she could not see the ideal daughter-in-law in place. The deal she wanted to strike with her son was remake her and let her suit our needs. Well the “our needs” was actually “her need” to show to the world that she will forever be the ruling queen and I, just a subdued and submissive puppet like what our age old trusted culture expects of daughter-in-laws.

My realization on to not to give her what she wants and that “ignorance is not bliss” in my case, took a long time. I accepted that the dynamics of life rolls it's dices to show us its different sides. People behave so different in changing surroundings and time boxes. Here, I had to be the change. I cannot be simply me but, someone who will stand up to confront the undeserving attitude. I did face it and behaved different from what the society expects of any daughter-in-law who is supposed to enter the family as a daughter. But, when I was never taken in as a daughter why will I need to express my gratitude?

Today, I was reading this write-up by Sadhguru “Mother-in-law demystified”. Read it here -http://isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/mother-in-law-demystified/

So true, many a mother-in-laws and even sister-in-laws seem to suffer from a crab mentality. Under the overdose of their patriarchal state of mind, neither do they want to fly away and neither they want women who walk into their households to get ahead of them. This is akin to the mentality of crabs. When you put many crabs together in a bucket, none of them will be able to crawl out, because while one crab tries to get out, the other pulls it down and in the process no crab manages to get out since they all impede each others progress.

For many Indian Families, the word “progressive” is like a defense mechanism to protect their ego like a consolation prize, a fantasy that they repeatedly play out in their heads to make themselves believe that the competitor family or their daughter isn't that successful after all. Relationships fall out very badly when sometimes these mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws thrive on others failures and derive sadistic pleasure from their pain without realizing that doing this does NOT take them ahead. You cannot become taller by cutting of someone's legs.

The truth in life is that no amount of competition or jealousy is going to stop us from realizing that as social beings we all want to co-exist happily ever after. And words like “progressive” need to be taken down.

The recent advertisement by “All out India”, questions this very hidden essence of Indian families under the pretext of being progressive. We the women are the change who can bring up the gender equality index. 

#StandByToughMoms

8 effective steps to handle sustained communication gaps

Communication gap is a human glitch which just temporarily locks you out or changes your path but, has long term repurccusions on others and self too. 

Our daily lifestyles do not have the space for sustained focus and perseverance any longer. We jump at conclusions and make quikfix decisions to get going with our personal, professional or joint goals. This is the reason we do not mark our feelings and work on the emotions getting expressed. At times these unaddressed communication gets converted into stress points leading to chaos in relationships and further giving way to mental health issues. 

What are the ways to handle some sustained communication gaps?

Here is an effective flow:

1. Self- Awareness:

    Make yourself clear on your thoughts. What are the issues, pain points, confusion, the circumstances in which the gap got widened and more. 

2. Empathy:

    Understand if you know the perspective of the person with whom you need to discuss things. Give a thought or two to their thought process.

    Get the different angles which might crop up during your conversation with them. 

3. Conflict Resolution:

    Accept that there might be or not a concensus or reconciliation. Let's be practical. The gap got created at both your ends.

    This is an attempt to clarify gaps from both ends and not an end result of something which has been built overtime. 

4. Attitude:

    Take the initiative to call and meet. You are responsible for your need to make things more transparent. No ego show will solve anything. 

5. First Come First Serve:

    It's okay to start talking first and get your thoughts rolled out. No diplomacy will help because that will show and your attempt is going to fall flat.

6. Long Term Plan:

    Give time for the person to open up even if it doesn't happen at this meet. Keep meeting casually but, always try in a smudged way to bring up the topic.

7. Care to share in Relationships:

    It's always good to take help from common friends or acquaintances. Sometimes a third party interference might reignite the spark.

8. Time is a healer:

    You will have to give ample time and keep trying to build the relationship. The gaps may take a while and even if they close, it takes time to forgive or forget or

    start afresh altogether. 

Gaps exist so that we jump and crossover, not to be created in communication. 

Happy Communicating !!!!  

An Angel in Disguise - Striding Loss

Life has given us lots of reasons to smile and cry. And sometimes
along the sidelines of life, we meet people, who we feel privileged
to know. The respect I have for this woman has no bounds. I met
Sujatha almost a decade back at our workplace in Chennai. Loved
her chirpy voice, friendly nature and a beautiful smile which made
its way to most of us to have a great day at work. In a while, I got
married and moved to Mumbai but, we did connect on Facebook
and have been in touch then on.

On 1st December, 2016 I read a Facebook post by one of our
colleague and was a bit moved by its content. It spoke of one of
his colleague friend losing her only son on 30th November 2016.
Checking the post the second time, I read someone mention
Sujatha. It did stuck me hard and I contacted this colleague and
indeed it was my friend Sujatha. I couldn't believe it and felt
numb all along the day. I didn't have her mobile number as
mostly we were a chat on Facebook friend. But, also my mind
was going berserk thinking what will I say to her when I chat with
her again. How is she, now at this moment? I couldn't even imagine
or very truly feel the fathom of sadness she must be experiencing.

Her first Facebook post came on 4th December, 2016. We all were
just staring blankly at this picture with dense forest with smoke
green trees and no path to be found. Some visuals do make you
go speechless without a blink. I kept staring at it for a long time
and just liked it with no courage to utter any words as comments.
Just 2-3 of her friends commented on it. The post kept coming on
intervals and always were sobbing with words and visuals. I am
sure it took many of us women and then men to find the strength
in our mind to think what to say to her and then write it finally.
Gradually the comment sections in the post were longer and I too
found myself beginning to comment on them.

It is a year now and I can say with much deliberation that I do not
hold even a miniscule of "Will Power" and "Grit", Sujatha owns,
showcases and applies to what she has been given in life.

The past one year, many of us have seen her and tried feeling what
she does not just in vain but, in all practical aspects too. This
November she lost her beloved Mother to terminal stage thyroid
cancer. And I told her that I am not even a pinch to the
understanding she weaves and stand she shows in life.

I could only write this blog post now, seeing and feeling her wade
through the sea of unending sorrow and coming up to catch her
breath right through blocks of frozen ice.

In just a year she lost both her beloved Son and then Mother.
And when all including me, may think that life cannot get more
cruel than this, she finds and gives us hope in that space too.
I have fallen short of words first time in my life.

Sujatha is an Inspiration! And we all around her derive our
strength from her and not the other way around. Sujatha shares
an vibrant universal energy and that vibes us all around her.

To spread the love and affection to those in need, as SIRISH, her
son always wanted to, the parents, family and friends have started
a community programme called SOS.  Their effort is to the world
that already knew and even didn't know SIRISH to see him as an
ANGEL IN DISGUISE in the way of meaningful life and compassionate
humanity. This is not a fund raising programme but, just a memorial
helping others in need. Here is the Facebook page for this
community which you can like and follow

https://www.facebook.com/SOS-133310733964503/

Knowing that this inconsolable loss will have a pit less vacuum in
Sujatha, I still find her so fierce with some very crucial and essential
life skills we need to learn and also teach our children the same
because death is pertinent where life is present.

The need to be 'Emotionally Intelligent' is in high order here.
Followed by the practice of 'Solitude', teaching of ‘Failure’, the
strength of 'Grit & Will Power', 'Mindfulness', 'Empathy’ and
‘Compassion'.

Understanding Sujatha a bit more in a year now, it strongly points
that her source of all these core power values is gathered light right
from her growing up years when her parents and community must
have inculcated and built this vessel of esteem asset in her.

Emotional Intelligence is the tussle of bringing yourself to know
who you are and want to be. It is the work of both - your mind &
your heart. The combination of Mind's IQ and Heart's EQ is what
will make the "YOU"!  

Solitude is cutting yourself from anything tangible and sometimes
even the intangible. It’s like when sometimes you go and clear even
the recycle bin on your laptop. Stop brooding on anything and earn
yourself a generous 10-15 minute of just lazing around time in a day.

Failure is not just about any mean ends but, the process of trying
itself. If you stop trying things, do not change or do not take leaps,
you become immune to risk taking. You stop growing then. You
become dull without ambition and wither away.

Grit and Will Power comes with great resolves and strength. Keep
looking ahead to achieve goals - old and new.  We can also talk
about perseverance here. Keep trying. Keep at it..

Mindfulness is self-study. Bringing our mind to the present second.
Feeling the vibrations of even the breeze flowing through our body
hair. Meditation and Yoga are tools to understand our mindfulness
and tune it to our progress.

Empathy steps in when we pull up our strings of resilience and
retrospection. Both these strings need to be pulled with equal
velocity and we can then place together the feeling of others and
ours to think ahead in systematic or random order.  

Compassion is the last action in this chain of values. It comes just
after empathy in the form of reuniting ourselves with the universe
and aligning our existence with the work given to us in this life.

Sujatha has been in depression, but, at the same time she finds
the key to open up that vault of depression and let her sorrows
convert into remembrance bit by bit, second per second, it is
happening as we read. And me, you and the universe can just
admire her in light years to come…