Relationships are easy and then they are not. Any relationship is built with a lot of patience, understanding and variation of expectations. Though people commit because there is a strong conviction of positivity they feel in being together. What they forget is that what they are at that point in time, is just part of the long path they are travelling to become what they are meant to be. There is no finality. There is no end to who you will be. It's like "you are not entirely you" even when you take leave from the form you are in now. Life and beyond is a process of metamorphosis.
And then, when it comes to falling in love, it calls for transcending any bar set on behaviour, attitude or regulations. The most crucial reason a relationship is pushed to the point of a heart break is "failure of being you"!
Yes, indeed, the truth is no matter what, you yourself will be responsible for changes in your relationship quotient because you are continuously changing!
For reasons of set notions, we term that as selfishness in relationships. And then to battle it out, we ignore ourselves. We try improvising for our partner. We win their approval of us but miserably fail ourselves. And your partner too will regard the same thumb rule of being as human as possible.
Quoting ~ Ankur Warikoo, Cofounder& CEO, ...nearby.com
"Once you trust someone, this is what you don’t do We humans have this rather unfortunate habit of checking the strength of our relationships, every how and then Let’s see if he calls me today
Let’s see if he picks up my phone if I call him right now
Let’s see if they figure out this loophole without me pointing to it
Let’s see if I can trust this person Here is the deal about trust
The minute you test it, you have broken it Trust shouldn’t be tested
It is either earned or established through conduct To test trust, is to not have it!!"
Nevertheless, beyond reasons of trust we have heartbreaks due to incompatibility, changed life course and more.
But, then heartbreaks work as "Lighthouses" and gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, re-learn, give another chance and more...
You stay in a lighthouse and look at all directions and decide: where to sail,
whom to navigate through the harbour,
when to keep silent during war,
when to guide the ship and align through a narrow channel and
when to weather a stormy night.
The following three "Lighthouse check-points" will help you get into, be in and get out of a relationship:
1. Self-mentor
Be your own mentor. Sit down and ask yourself. How did you find yourself in the relationship you are sharing with a certain person? Let it be your boyfriend, husband, fiancé or live-in-partner.
Remember the question is pointing to you and not how others are behaving in that relationship. At times, we are our own problem creator. We think we need certain reliability or demand a feeling we share with others. The truth is that it is highly possible we don't need to give our time, energy and space. Let us be crystal clear with ourselves.
2. BCF Equation
BCF stands for Biology, Chemistry, and Financial. Make sure both of you are comfortable sharing yourself with each other. The physical relationship is too crucial to miss out on. It's a sensitive topic but, crucial to the continuity of all-inclusive habitat you are building around you. Build a gradual easiness of talking about your expectations around it.
Chemistry is not just your instant law of attraction but, also your maturity in respecting your lifestyle, work commitments, morality and concepts in life.
Financial standing and growth, and contribution to mutual growth prospects and career, business is a significant discussion to have at the start and then periodically.
3. Core heartbreak index
This is the stage where you know that it's no point going forward. However, still, there is this last little step in the form of an activity you can do before you announce it to your partner.
Create an index table and place all your expectations and complains you had from the particular relationship in one vertical column.
Do the same for your partner in another column leaving a gap of two columns in-between. Match it out ..Think out and check on every situation where it was over-estimation, underestimation or unfair reasons. Give one point for each other.
Gather what you learned from this activity. And arrive at what you were over-thinking, getting obsessive about or denying your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Relationships need nurturing. They have an entity of their own which needs constant attention, pampering and constructive dialogue.
Be aware towards it's requirement and energy movement.
Worse, if you want to end the relationship and move on, still the Light house check point will help you get over a failed phase and beat your heartbreak gloom.
Best to you all.
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